Kyle Has Feelings of Lonliness
by liamdude5
Summary: As time went on, Kyle started to become a bit alienated by his friends when they all started dating. So, he decided to give in and at least try to find a girlfriend. Oneshot. Rated PG 13 for language and refrences.


When Kyle was a young boy, he really had no interest in girls. Now that he was in high school, not much had changed.

Some people called Kyle aloof. Others called him gay. One guy in his gym class kept calling him Jack.

But, in all honesty, Kyle simply never had much interest in romance. Sure, he had a few crushes here and there, but he never had a real girlfriend.

His lack of interest in romance did have consequences, though.

As time went on, he started to become a bit alienated by his friends when they all started dating. Stan was with Wendy, Cartman was with Shelly, and Kenny was with Butters.

So, whenever these three were off with their significant others, it left him all by himself.

He tried hanging out with other guys, like Clyde and Token, but it never worked out. It never clicked like it did when it was Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny.

So, Kyle decided to give in and at least try to find a girlfriend.

Not a boyfriend. No matter how much Wendy insisted he "at least try" going the other way. No matter how much Japanese fan art the girls found of him and Cartman.

And probably the best way for him to find a girlfriend was for him to look at his index of past crushes.

There was Rebecca Cotswolds, but she had turned into a bit of a whore over the years, so Kyle wasn't really interested anymore.

There was Nichole Daniels, but she still thought Kyle was gay, so she probably would say no.

There was Leslie Meyers, but she's dead, so that may be considered a bit taboo.

The only option left to consider was Bebe Stevens.

At this point, she seemed like the best candidate. Sure, she was a bit psycho about how nice his ass looked, but besides that, she was a nice girl. They talked sometimes. She was loyal to her friends. She'd abandonded her ambitions to be a whore. And she was single, her and Clyde being broken up for years.

So, Kyle decided he would ask out Bebe.

The only question is: How do you ask out a girl?

Since Kyle had never taken any interest in girls in the past, he had no idea how to ask out Bebe.

So, he went to the guy who's been with a girl the longest: Stan. If anybody would know what to do, he would.

"How should I know what to do," Stan yelled, "I've been with the same girl since the 4th grade."

"Are you kidding me," Kyle questioned, "You were my only hope. Now what am I supposed to do?"

"Why is this even a big deal," Stan asked, "You haven't shown an interest in girls for so long, now you all of a sudden want to ask out Bebe? What's up with that?"

"I don't know," Kyle yelled, "I just started thinking one day and I realized that I've never really had a girlfriend and I'm graduating in less than a month. And I thought that going out with Bebe might work. I mean, what made you realize you liked Wendy?"

"Well, I didn't have to think about it," Stan objected, "I pretty much knew since I met her that I wanted her to be my girlfriend."

"Ugh," Kyle groaned, "Why is love so fucking hard?"

"Because if love were easy," Stan stated, "Everybody would be in it, and it wouldn't be special anymore."

"I don't care if it's special," Kyle countered, "I just care that, the one time I'm looking for it, I can't find it."

"Have you ever considered the fact that you're looking at this all wrong," Stan asked.

"What do you mean," Kyle asked.

"You're here talking about love when you've never even had a real girlfriend before," Stan explained, "Don't think of it as asking out someone you think you love, think of it as asking a friend to hang out. See where it goes from there."

"You know," Kyle pondered, "That's not a bad idea."

"Yeah," Stan responded, "I have a few good ones every now and again."

"Ok," Kyle humbled, "Let's not get crazy here."

"So," Stan asked, "How are you going to ask Bebe to hang out?"

"I was thinking of just asking her," Kyle stated.

"You're kidding, right," Stan questioned.

"What," Kyle asked.

"Kyle," Stan explained, "Bebe is an ex whore turned semi classy lady. You can't just ask her to hang out."

"You don't know her enough to make that statement, Stan," Kyle objected.

"You don't either," Stan countered, "The only person who really knows her like that is Wendy."

"Well, then we'll ask her what to do," Kyle stated.

"Alright," Stan gave in, "But she's going to agree with me."

"Kyle's right," Wendy deadpanned.

"What," Stan questioned.

"Yes," Kyle cheered, "I know more about a girl you have no interest in than you do."

"Come on, Wendy," Stan stuttered, "How can you not back me up here?"

"You may not know it, Stan," Wendy defended, "But Bebe's changed a lot since I first knew her. She actually has aspirations, and self control, and she's started appreciating the small things in life."

"Well, I guess that's a good thing," Stan admitted.

"Especially that last part," Kyle added on, earning himself a confused look from Stan and Wendy.

"I'm just being honest," Kyle defended.

"Anyways," Wendy stammered, "All you have to do is ask her out and she'll say yes."

"Really," Kyle asked.

"Really really," Wendy answered.

"Wow," Kyle gasped, "Thank you, Wendy. I'm gonna go get to that."

And, with that, Kyle left.

"Hey, how come you never help me out with my problems," Stan asked.

"I'm not a miracle worker, Stan," Wendy groaned, "I can handle Kyle..."

The next day, Kyle saw Bebe in front of the school, waiting for her Mom to pick her up. Wendy was usually her ride, but she said she couldn't make it today, so Kyle could make his move.

"Hey Bebe," Kyle greeted, walking up to her.

"Hey Kyle," Bebe greeted.

"How was your day," Kyle asked.

"Not bad," Bebe answered, "Some guy tried hitting on me, but he had something in his teeth that spat out into my mouth."

"Oh," Kyle repulsed, "Gross."

"No, it was OK," Bebe reassured, "It turned out to be a vitamin, and now I feel more focused."

"That's good," Kyle smiled, "I think."

"Are you OK," Bebe asked, "It looks like you're sweating."

"It's just hot out here," Kyle brushed off.

"It's negative twelve degrees right now," Bebe thought out loud, "The coldest day of the year."

"Right," Kyle replied, "Have I ever told you about the time...my dad went into anger management?"

"No," Bebe stuttered, "I can't say you have."

"Oh, it was crazy," Kyle stuttered, "He threw some chairs, got into fistfight, got...food thrown at him."

"Wow," Bebe gasped, "That does sound crazy."

"If you think that's crazy," Kyle responded, "You should hear about the time he apparently trolled the entire town."

"Actually," Bebe countered, "I don't think anybody wants to even think about that."

"Oh," Kyle stated, "Listen, I know this will probably sound crazy, but do you want to go out on a date with me?"

"Sure," Bebe answered after a second.

"Really," Kyle questioned.

"Yeah," Bebe replied, "You're a nice guy and you actually listen to me. Definitely can't say that about other guys."

Suddenly, a horn honked and Bebe's mother was there in a car, waving at her.

"Alright," Bebe explained to Kyle, "Don't forget to pick me up on Friday at eight. I like Italian food."

Bebe gave Kyle a quick kiss on the cheek before hopping into her mother's car and being driven away.

"She likes Italian Food," Kyle thought to himself, "They need to open an Olive Garden around here."

"Well well well," Stan chuckled, appearing behind Kyle, "Check out Mr Smooth."

"I do have a way with the ladies," Kyle bragged.

"How much you wanna bet she's already on the phone with Wendy," Stan questioned.

"I wouldn't doubt that for a second," Kyle deadpanned.

"So," Stan thought out loud, "I'd say we have some time before the girls are done talking. Wanna go see 'Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2'?"

"You read my mind," Kyle replied.

Ordinarily, Stan would be hanging out with Wendy right now. But, now, they were going to see a movie together.

Maybe this "having a girlfriend" thing could work out.


End file.
